It’s been quite sometime since my last blogger a lot has happened that has kept me busy offline more so than on. My daughter had gotten pregnant, had a darling baby boy in March and has moved out prior to the birth of her son. I lived for several months in the Caribbean only to which I’m seriously thinking of going back. Although I still have that mommy instinct and want to be close to my daughter for awhile.
Being a grandmother now I have a whole new perspective outlook on things. Sometimes I think it’s a chance to start over on things that due to work, illness, etc I missed out on when my daughter was small. Now I can make up for that with my grandson and possibly change things along the way from lessons I had learnt. Though the word “grandma” does make me feel old, I am told at my age of 40 I am still very young, well to young to be a “grandma.”
Little did I realize these past few months would make me realize more though on how much I would miss my daughter at home. And how hard it is for me to actually let her go, although I see her or speak to her everyday. There is a fine line between being an active, concerned parent and one that doesn't know when to let go.
I'm discovering how hard it is to stay on the right side of this line. While I cling to the apron strings connecting us, Johanna, eager to taste her independence, yanks at those strings, trying to loosen my grip. What results is an odd mother-daughter, push-me, pull-you kind of tango.
I sit back and study my daughter as she looks excitedly about being a mother, having moved out being with the person she loves. I see a mature, capable young woman with a keen mind and the ability to shape her future. She no longer needed her mom evaluating every decision she makes. I felt proud, although still a bit melancholy.
I look at her and I reflect on the lessons Johanna has struggled to learn over the past 18 years: responsibility, compassion, and hard work. There have been a few potholes along the way, but she is well-equipped and eager to embrace her future. The next step, I recognized, was mine to take. I brush away a tear and mentally untied the apron strings, giving my daughter and myself the independence we both need.
And let go....
Being a grandmother now I have a whole new perspective outlook on things. Sometimes I think it’s a chance to start over on things that due to work, illness, etc I missed out on when my daughter was small. Now I can make up for that with my grandson and possibly change things along the way from lessons I had learnt. Though the word “grandma” does make me feel old, I am told at my age of 40 I am still very young, well to young to be a “grandma.”
Little did I realize these past few months would make me realize more though on how much I would miss my daughter at home. And how hard it is for me to actually let her go, although I see her or speak to her everyday. There is a fine line between being an active, concerned parent and one that doesn't know when to let go.
I'm discovering how hard it is to stay on the right side of this line. While I cling to the apron strings connecting us, Johanna, eager to taste her independence, yanks at those strings, trying to loosen my grip. What results is an odd mother-daughter, push-me, pull-you kind of tango.
I sit back and study my daughter as she looks excitedly about being a mother, having moved out being with the person she loves. I see a mature, capable young woman with a keen mind and the ability to shape her future. She no longer needed her mom evaluating every decision she makes. I felt proud, although still a bit melancholy.
I look at her and I reflect on the lessons Johanna has struggled to learn over the past 18 years: responsibility, compassion, and hard work. There have been a few potholes along the way, but she is well-equipped and eager to embrace her future. The next step, I recognized, was mine to take. I brush away a tear and mentally untied the apron strings, giving my daughter and myself the independence we both need.
And let go....
posted by loner at 10:13 PM
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