What is that? Let's Hear It for the Boy? Didn't they burn all existing copies of this song? If you're not familiar, it goes:

Maybe he's no romeo
But he's my lovin, one man show
Woah, Oh Oh Oh


My brain had purged this awful thing years ago... it was never a good song, it hasn't aged well, and doesn't even matter on those awful fucking 80's nostalgia stations. But here it is... piped in on the office overhead PA system. A compelling mix of 60's and 80's pop: how long has it been since you heard Miami Sound Machine? Eh?


One two three four
Come on baby say you love me
five six seven times
eight nine ten eleven
I'm just gonna keep on counting
Until you are mine


I hear it once day, at least. The occasional James Brown song doesn't make up for the two (count em, two) Fine Young Cannibals songs in constant rotation. Every day. And "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

Just when you're about to slap your forehead and say "They don't pay me enough for this," they move a better sound system into your office. And there you are, listening to Frankie Valli shriek away in his godawful falsetto... I didn't know he recorded a version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, but there it is-- and, since there aren't as many christmas songs on the playlist, you hear it, along with Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time" (when I heard George Harrison died, I thought "Why couldn't it have been Paul?" Obla-Da, my ass) twice a day.

So, I'm frustrated.

Okay, the music on the PA wasn't the only reason... not even the biggest one, but they did catch me on a ladder, with a screwdriver, going at one of those speakers.

"Um, loner, what are you doing?"

"Well, I figured that, since you can only hear the music if you're directly under the speaker, if I just pop the negative lead off the speaker, no one will be able to tell the difference but me." I'd only gotten one screw out.

To combat my logic, they turned the music up. Now everyone can hear it. This didn't make me any more popular in the office, but... I've never been terribly popular around here. I'm not big on popularity (I think "popularity" is what happens when you finally make yourself bland enough for mass consumption, while still being fake enough to be "cool"), but I just don't inspire love the in three-hundred pound, sitcom obsessed hens that make up the majority of my co-workers.


I found myself the other day sensually wanting my secrety! OK listen up it's a guy, he is openly gay and I love him dearly. But dang if he wears that black suit with the open white shirt one more time I might just have to clear off my desk and try and shang hi his lovely buttox onto it. I really need to find something better to do...oh for pete's sake now here comes Barry Manilow blasting Looks Like We Made It. Yea right! He's definately a liar.


I've got to get that speaker turned off I've sat here now devilishly staring at it thinking nasty thoughts. Even if I play my own music through my computer speakers the top company speaker still drowns everything out. Poor Michael, mixed with I'm to sexy for my shirt playing above, what a wacky consolation.


Anyway the building next door is on fire, we have to get out ourselves for safety reasons. Dam maybe I'll get lucky and the whole electrical sound system of this building will go....hmmm wishful thinking. Anyway I'm off to scamper outside in the rain. blah!

Heroes/Villians

I hear it all the time on the news and on the talk shows. Where are all the heroes? Where are all of the role models? Where are the people for our sons and daughters to look up to? Where are the people that the rest of the world can strive to be like?

The answer is as plain as day, we've turned them all into villains.

You see, whenever someone reaches for more, achieves something greater or does something beyond the reach of the normal person, society no longer looks on with starry eyes, but rather, with envy and greed. Instead of figuring out how we can be like them or emulate their success, we look at them, like watching a daredevil on a tightrope, just waiting for them to fall.

This is why we stick our noses in every facet of our heroes lives, why we scrutinize their every move and why we splash their faults and mistakes across the front page of every paper in the nation. We have no interest in their success, only in their downfall because it is so much more entertaining and so much more satisfying.

After all, why should we strive for success when we can make the successful one of us into one of the poor, the miserable, the lonely? Why should anyone be special or great when the rest of us can't?

In a society that breeds conformity it's only natural that we'd struggle so hard against any form of excellence. It should come as no shock that we turn our backs on those that set the very trends we follow and that, like a bloodthirsty mob, we devour those that should be giving us cause to dream.

But equally disturbing as our society of chained eagles is our menagerie of winged snakes. Indeed, I've watched many times as society has worshipped its own slime. From iconifying serial killers to envying wealthy crime leaders, we take the very people who cause us to live in fear and give them the status of royalty, complete with titles, wealth and unbelievable recognizeability.

We worship these villains, we study them, analyze them and follow them. Since they are so destructive, their success is easier for us to deal with. Since they got there by means available to us, just by going down paths we choose not to follow, we find their success a bit more enjoyable.

We see ourselves as better than these people. We call them amoral, deranged, deviant or disturbing. But, at the same time, we deify them, make them holy figures in our pop culture and we never focus on their blemishes or embarrassments like we do with our supposed heroes.

Is it at all shocking that we're a society without heroes? That, outside of our everyday heroes we tip our hats to, that we have no one to learn from or look up to. With such an inversion of excellence and such a skewed view of achievement, is it any wonder why we live in fear and why no one rides to the rescue?

No it is not a mystery. Those that were heroes have long since fallen and those that would rise are too scared, not because of the injustices they seek to fight, but because of the people they want to fight for.

Simply put heroes and villains can only exist in a society that lets them exist. For that to take place, differences must be tolerated, excellence must be appreciated and human flaws must be accepted.

Because, in the end, the fundamental thing about heroes, and villains for that matter, is that they are human. To paint them with a broad brush is to ignore their intricacies and doom them to failure. No one can live up to perfection and the quicker we appreciate that, the quicker we can return to having heroes and role models once again.

And the quicker that happens, the quicker we can find some sense of direction in this darkened sea we call life.

Geesh I haven't been in here all weekend and I deeply apologize to anyone looking for any pointless thoughts from me. And its not even that I was that busy this weekend to be here I just really had no thoughts. I spent Friday night drinking a few beers with my new neighbors at my new flat. Interesting peeps, I find them quite the group can't wait till next time. Anyway there's CJ who lives across the way from me, I can't quite figure out if she is ever sober, LOL, a true Texan she is alright but a nice lady. The two guys upstairs now them I don't know what to think of them, first off they talk way to much for me about nothing I know of, guy crap! After an hour with them I was just thought what the hell was I thinking when I invited them in. Anyway after a while it got ok we had good conversations and played cards, guess that is all that matters that there is people near me to keep my social skills up to par. Even though I know I drank to much.

Saturday morn came way to soon, I been helping out a friend at his vet office in the morning on these days giving vaccines and all. Not a whole lot happened there boring as usual. Dog asses in, shot given, dog asses out. My life is complete now giving shots in the ass to males that bark.

Finally heard from my escaped daughter, no not prison escape, but she's traveling with her father while he is on tour. I'm not happy about it, rock bands on tour the things you see it only made me realize talking to her that she kinda is like me. Strange how those things turn out. Even though me and her father never married at least it seems they are having a good relationship, though she misses me that made me feel special today. I can't wait till she gets home, I bet I won't even recognize her. eek!

Sunday not much spent the day watching movies, cleaning the flat. Back to work tommorrow another weekend no work calls or pages strange how quiet its gotten since the 911 reports came out. I don't know what to think anymore I just know I screwed up I feel bad for it, yes but there is nothing I can do about it now. Just wish the boys and girls could come home. I have friends there to and lost one as well. I slept most of the day away after all that what a lazy ass I am today, but hey it was not that nice out and I needed a day of rest. Well I'm off not much thoughts today we will see what happens this week I'm so NOT looking forward to it.

There are no U-turns in life.

Sitting here another pointless blog to post in order for me to bring serenity into my life.  It's raining, I love the rain, there is nothing else most calming to hear than a good afternoon storm after a long day.  Did you know the clearest and best smell in the world is rain.  Yet we all hate to get wet.  Today  I just feel like going out and standing in it and looking up, maybe I'll drown who knows.  Will I be missed, maybe for a short few days until after I'm buried and gone, that's when life goes on and memories cease to exist.         Today was a numb day you know all those times you drive the same way to work.  You know it so well you could do it blind folded.  I tend to let my mind wonder in traffic, I know one of these days I 'm going to crash because of it, but anyway as I drove down the beltway something I saw occurred to me a sign that read "No U-Turns."         How ironic I thought when I saw that sign and thought about all the good times in my life, the things I've done and seen.   I just want to so go back to alot of those times it kills me to think about them, I cry about it alot.  I miss all the concerts, the friends, the parties.  Now everything is hussle here and hussle there you can barely get a smile or a simple word hello out of a stranger as they pass by.   Friends have come and gone some you can hardly find anymore.  The ole saying "life is short" is somewhat so true to a  point you find later that just to at least find one thing to do tommorrow brightens your whole day.  Well I past that sign miles down the road and like that sign say's "No U-Turns" life, you can alway's go forward, you can alway's feel young, but you can't make "NO U-TURNS" in life.                                            

Death, The Thought of

Today was frustrating as hell, not one moment’s breath. I learnt today that sitting down and actually writing your obituary can give you peace of mind, some serenity. Funny thing is mine didn't even quite make a paragraph. You’re born into this world with one paragraph news article in the paper and you go out with the same. Closure, for a lot of things we miss or have not even had the chance to do. It's all a subconscious manipulation of the mind controlled atmosphere upon which we live. Mongrels at its finest hour are we that seek truth, immortality, and the understanding of one self.

I'm not being buried into the earth; dirt just reminds me of all the hate, prejudice's that has surrounded me all my life. It depresses me even to think that all that I have built and conquered in my life and I end up in a box with dirt surrounding me confined in one space eternally. LET ME OUT!

No I think what I am going to do is be cremated, whether it be against a person's religion or not I think that is the best way to go. This way you can have your ashes scattered over a pleasant, flowered field and your spirit can sour to heights unknown and be free.

But when you think about it really life is but a highway and your soul is just a car. When you are born you are not born with a spirit, the spirit which embraces you is given to your body after birth. From there you make it grow, you give it personality. But after death, well while dying your spirit leaves your shell of a body and formulates above to comfort as it passes. So when your body is cremated after death it's not killing the spirit because it's already taken flight, but the fire destroys the mechanism used to have lived life.

And now the last thought I leave here with is that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.

Moving

I spent the whole entire weekend moving, a chore I do not wish upon anyone. Packing is so easy, but unpacking seems to be the chore. You find yourself wanting to put things differently, start anew. Make a clean slate of everything that is in the past, but what smacks you right in the face are when you open that one box. The one you had so packed away for years anyway but when you open it all those shattered memories you had tucked so nicely away to forget suddenly come screaming back right into your face. Today I found myself staring motionless into a past I thought I had long forgotten. Shuffling through old photographs did I realize that most of the people in the pics were either dead, or just plainly I stopped keeping in contact with for one reason or another.

Which than made me think why do we tend to surround ourselves with people who eventually we never keep in contact with anymore? It's like that collection you start than suddenly get completely bored with it and set it aside never to tamper with again. I have less than 3 friends that I call good friends not sure if that is a good sign for me or a bad one. I am not saying I live my life like my name but I do find myself completely set aside from everyone else though my intentions are good I just end up this way. I've had a lot of great times, great friends, and great memories. But in the end I find I only ended up with me.

Needless to say I packed that past back up again, maybe in another 18 years I'll open it.

What does it all mean?

They try to incorporate their thoughts to me make me into some inhuman sub-death.  Who bluntly walks among the living not progressing my needs, my wisdom, my extricates.  Where do I run, hide or escape them.  They follow me from hither and yonder they think I am not as observant as the other's.  I see them staring at me from behind their glass houses, their medieval grins don't scare me.  I'm blind to them I am death to them, I fear nothing of them.  They walk amongst us with their evil twisted schemes to beckon us to believe to capture us under their mystical powers and make us walk internally in silence.